Featuring:
Anupama Murali, Leadership Coach & Founder, Forward Focus
Interviewed By: Sripriyaa Venkataraman
Curated By: Chandrani Datta
[If you are a manager or a leader in an organization, we believe that our Lamp, Ladder, Lifeboat series of interviews will guide you in nurturing the leader-coach within you, helping you make better choices for yourself and your team. In this series of thought leadership interviews, we have spoken to several esteemed leadership coaches who share ways of illuminating your path, holding onto the light within and navigate the choppy seas of life and changes]
In an illuminating conversation, Leadership Coach Anupama Murali tells us how one single conversation can bring up lamp, ladder and lifeboat moments for both the coach and the coachee. She shares her process of helping coachees think beyond their current perceived capabilities and make connections across seemingly unrelated narratives. Leadership coaching is more than exploring possibilities, she says, it is about “shifting leaders towards their true aspirations”, something that they might have denied.
What is that one metaphor, or a few metaphors that define you and your coaching practice?
During the first year after completing my coaching training, I found myself reflecting deeply. Sitting at my dining table, I pondered a recurring question about finding my niche or “super niche.” Despite struggling with this, a more profound question arose: “What do I truly value in life?” I realized that what mattered most to me was achieving inner harmony. This realization was pivotal because life often feels chaotic, leaving me shaken and uncomfortable. Yet, I cherished the ability to transition into a state of harmony. I played around with several terms until “equilibrium” resonated with me. This concept captures the essence of what I strive for—it’s not merely an idea to be visualized, but an experience, a profound sense of balance that I encourage my clients to explore and embody.
You wear multiple hats—as a coach, musician, facilitator, and speaker. How do these diverse roles enhance your ability to serve others effectively?
These diverse roles naturally emerged in my life because each of them contribute to the person I aspire to be. My spiritual practices are crucial for grounding myself. Engaging with music, whether singing or listening, unlocks my creativity and transports me to a different, almost fantastical world. This creative spark is vital for me as a musician. As a speaker, I feel incredibly inspired when I share thoughts with an audience; it’s about being inspired to inspire others. These roles intermingle and define my experiences and how I help others experience similar feelings.
It’s challenging to pinpoint how each role individually shapes me because they blend so beautifully. I flow with what feels right, focusing on whether these experiences help maintain my inner equilibrium and authenticity. While I don’t explicitly label myself as an ‘equilibrium coach,’ it’s rewarding to hear my clients use terms like ‘centered’ or ‘in my equilibrium,’ reflecting they are achieving the harmony I aim to foster.
How have you helped your coachees shine their thoughts on what truly matters?
Coachees often approach me with either specific challenges or a desire to elevate themselves. My role is to help them uncover the root of their emotions—be it discomfort or ambition—and to explore the lessons these emotions teach about themselves.
For instance, when a coachee feels self-doubt, we examine the underlying values that may be unmet or challenged, helping them recognize that such feelings are normal and offering reassurance. This acknowledgment often provides significant comfort and promotes deeper self-understanding, equipping them to navigate their emotions and make informed decisions. Our focus is on enhancing self-awareness, essential for personal growth and confident change-making.
Achieving a deep connection with what truly matters to our clients is vital. Understanding the significance of their experiences, even unpleasant ones, helps them navigate these situations with pride and gain clearer insights, empowering them to effect the changes they seek.
A recent example involved a client who had secured her dream job but felt reluctant to announce it on LinkedIn due to feelings of undeservingness. Upon discussing her hesitations, she realized and admitted this insecurity, recognizing the discrepancy between achieving her goal and feeling worthy of it. This breakthrough highlighted the importance of addressing internal conflicts and fostering self-acceptance.
How do you help your leaders discover what has extinguished their “lamp”?
Let me return to the previous example. The client mentioned that I hadn’t updated my LinkedIn profile, and she didn’t want to update hers either. It was clear she wasn’t ready for a change. My response was curiosity rather than pressure: “What’s prompting you to bring this up if you don’t want to take action?” She replied that she wanted to celebrate something. In that moment, she realized she was denying herself the joy of celebrating. My approach wasn’t to simply encourage the update. Instead, I acknowledged her feelings: “I’m not here to question your journey. I validate your experience. But I’m curious – let’s explore this further. Where is this desire to bring it up coming from? Why does it matter to you?”
By reflecting her thoughts back at her, I helped her see her motivations clearly. She realized, “This is why I brought it up. Now I have a choice: will I allow myself to celebrate or not?” That clarity brought a new question: is her desire to celebrate greater than her resistance to updating LinkedIn? Facing this question allowed her to see the different dimensions of her own motivations.
How have you served as a headlight for your coachees, helping them concentrate?
In conversations, people often start discussing other topics, unsure of the relevance. They may apologize, saying things like, “I’m rambling,” but continue sharing. As a coach, it’s important to hold the space for them while gently guiding the conversation back to the core issues they sought leadership coaching for in the first place.
You might interject with something like, “Great, thank you for sharing this. How is this relevant to what we’re exploring today?” There’s always a reason they’re bringing it up. Helping them see the connection illuminates the issue at hand. If they want to pursue a different direction, check in with them to see if that’s the right path. Give them the opportunity to pause and reflect on the meaning of what they’re sharing. It’s all connected, even if they can’t see it. The coach’s role is to help them make those connections.
If we shift to the ‘ladder’ as a metaphor, how have you helped the leaders or your coachees to get motivated and step up?
Sometimes in a single conversation, you’ll encounter the lamp, lifeboat, and ladder moments. Witnessing a coachee’s verbal and nonverbal cues is invaluable. You’ll notice when they’re making excuses or explaining why they can’t do something. That’s when you introduce a ladder moment: “Imagine there were no constraints. How would you operate ideally?” This helps them envision a better approach.
I often ask, “If there were no limitations, how would your ideal self-operate?” This encourages them to think beyond their current perceived capabilities. Especially with leaders who are caught up in operations and firefighting, they might say, “I’d do things differently if I could, but I can’t.” They’re stuck in their current mindset. So, I ask, “Imagine no firefighting. How would you prefer to operate?” This helps them envision a better way and consider how to achieve it. Those are the ladder moments – imagining an ideal state with no constraints.
It’s about shifting them towards their true aspirations, which they may be denying themselves. Coaching offers many possibilities. Once you’ve opened their eyes to a new perspective, they can choose from countless options.
How do you help your coachees resolve their fear of heights?
The goal is to understand how they respond when asked, “What are you ready to do now to reach your desired future self?” It’s about observing their body language and recognizing any sense of constraint or limitation in their response. Then, gently explore what it would take for them to move beyond those boundaries. It’s essential to acknowledge their fears, worries, and doubts, reassuring them that these feelings are a normal part of the process. By expressing these concerns aloud, they can begin to release them and gain clarity.
Non-verbal cues like shifting in their seat can indicate discomfort. Validate these feelings and use somatic explorations to help them connect with their body’s wisdom. For example, I had a client visualize her issues as concentric circles. By narrating her physical sensations, she gained valuable insights.
After such explorations, grounding techniques can help them integrate the new awareness. Often, they can literally see a shift in themselves, understanding the mind-body connection and how it relates to their challenges. Some people struggle to articulate their thoughts, so inviting them to explore physical sensations of constraint can be helpful. This allows them to bring their inner experience into conscious awareness, facilitating growth and understanding.
How do you give that safety to move or bounce back to get out of that state on feeling?
Two days ago, my coachee expressed feeling stuck because his current life situation and environment aren’t supportive of the person he wants to be. I invited him to reflect on our initial conversation and the reasons he sought out coaching. I reminded him that he had admired people who navigate similar life challenges with ease and wondered how he could emulate them. I suggested that his desired future self isn’t about having a perfect environment, but rather about learning to thrive despite challenges. This was an opportunity for him to reassess whether that’s still what he wants. Sometimes, we get so focused on our problems that we forget the changes we initially wanted to make. This moment helped him reconnect with his original coaching goals and realize that while his environment is a factor, his current self-identity is also holding him back. He recognized the need to find ways to navigate his challenges because he doesn’t want to stay stuck.
Another powerful question I’ve found is, ‘What’s one regret you don’t want to have in your life?’ Often, people respond with things like, ‘I don’t want to look back and realize I didn’t take action,’ or ‘I don’t want to be in the same situation two years from now.’ That kind of regret can motivate them to take responsibility for making changes. It’s about readiness and approach. Sometimes, coachees apologize unnecessarily. I reassure my clients that they’re in the driver’s seat and that I’m here to support and partner with them. I emphasize that our collaboration is a partnership.
How do you bring unconditional positive regard into your coaching?
I credit one of my early coachees, a PCC I worked with in my first year of coaching, for helping me understand the concept of mindlessness in leadership coaching. I was an ACC at the time, still developing my skills. During one of our sessions, we discussed how to create an optimal coaching space. I mentioned that I strove to be mindful, but he replied, “I’m mindless. It’s not about being mindful; it’s about not thinking at all. If my mind starts to wander, I practice mindlessness.”
I found this fascinating and began using it as a technique in my coaching. Now, when I catch myself thinking, “This person should do X, Y, Z,” I recognize that as a sign to let go of those thoughts. I take a moment to ground myself by shifting my position and focusing on my breath. This helps me clear my mind and be fully present with the coachee.
After sessions where coachees have shared a lot, they sometimes comment, “You must be drained.” But that’s not the case. In those moments, I’m not feeling drained because I’ve created a space for them to open up. My spiritual practices, including breathwork, help me cultivate mindlessness in real-time.
It’s an ongoing process, and some days are better than others. Life can impact your energy levels, so it’s about acknowledging the moment and asking, “What can I do now to be more present?” Self-compassion is key. I don’t judge myself or wish I’d done things differently. I focus on how I can improve in the moment and show up better for my clients. With time and practice, I’ve gotten better at creating that space. I believe self-compassion is very important for coaches; it’s a beautiful role we play.
How do you help your coaches to seek clarity in the gray or navigate choppy seas?
I focus on the language my clients use, taking note if they’re being overly critical or pessimistic. I point this out to them with curiosity and care, helping them realize how their current mindset might be hindering their progress. I acknowledge their desire for change while also recognizing the underlying narratives they may be carrying that could be holding them back. By exposing these narratives in a non-critical way, I’ve found clients become more open to shifting their perspective.
It’s essential to remember that our narratives should serve us. Sometimes, we hold onto them even when they’re no longer beneficial. Even for leaders navigating significant changes, small shifts in mindset and behaviour can be incredibly powerful. For example, I coached a senior leader dealing with intense pressure from demanding investors. Despite the challenges, we focused on where he could make strategic decisions within his sphere of influence, leveraging his strengths and values.
When clients feel overwhelmed by factors outside their control, it’s easy for them to feel powerless. That’s when I help them refocus on what they can influence and how they can make a positive impact in those areas. Every small step matters, and recognizing this helps build momentum for greater change.
Success doesn’t always have to mean massive shifts. Sometimes, simply redefining success as a slight improvement in mindset from one day to the next can be incredibly empowering. By helping clients see how far they’ve come, no matter how small the steps may seem, I can inspire them to continue moving forward.
Key Learnings:
- Coaching offers many possibilities. Once you’ve opened their eyes to a new perspective, they can choose from countless options.
- Success doesn’t always have to mean massive shifts. Sometimes, simply redefining success as a slight improvement in mindset from one day to the next can be incredibly empowering.
- Self-compassion is key. I don’t judge myself or wish I’d done things differently. I focus on how I can improve in the moment and show up better for my clients.
- For leaders navigating significant changes, small shifts in mindset and behaviour can be incredibly powerful.
Anupama Murali
Leadership Coach & Founder, Forward Focus
Anupama Murali brings over 15 years of corporate experience to her work in leadership development. She has witnessed the demands and opportunities facing leaders firsthand, inspiring her to specialize in driving impactful change that aligns with an individual’s true self. As the Country Lead for ‘The Art of Living, Singapore,’ Anupama contributes to a community that promotes well-being and mindfulness. She is passionate about guiding leaders to reach their full potential by finding their equilibrium – a state of balance between one’s mental state and their environment.
