Featuring:
Harini Chari, Leadership Brand Coach & Executive Trainer, Lee Hecht Harrison
Interviewed By: Sripriyaa Venkataraman
Curated By: Chandrani Datta
[If you are a manager or a leader in an organization, we believe that our Lamp, Ladder, Lifeboat series of interviews will guide you in nurturing the leader-coach within you, helping you make better choices for yourself and your team. In this series of thought leadership interviews, we have spoken to several esteemed leadership coaches who share ways of illuminating your path, holding onto the light within and navigate the choppy seas of life and changes]
In this illuminating conversation, Leadership Coach Harini Chari talks about the sacred composition of coaching and how a coach is a tool for a higher power. She talks about relooking at the idea of authenticity and understanding that the mundane can connect us to the bigger goals in life. Often, people focus on ‘something bigger,’ and it’s fabulous for a year, but then interest wanes. If it resonates on a deeper level, it is more likely to be sustained, she says.
What are the metaphors that define you in your current state and how they relate to your connection with the coaching space? What are the guiding lights for you at this moment?
The way I see coaching is very much like an empty box. I see myself as that empty box because I don’t want to come in with any preconceived notions or certifications defining who I am or what I bring to the position. For me, it’s about emptying myself first and engaging in the conversation. And if I may say so, allowing a higher power to work through me as a tool. Thus, it is a constant, daily reminder that I am fully engaged in that conversation, that very sacred composition.
How did you first discover coaching, and what was your initial impression of the field? Given that coaching is becoming increasingly popular, how do you navigate and interpret this sacred space of coaching, especially when working with people you’ve never met before?
Normally, we wouldn’t bare our hearts to strangers we don’t know. Yet, our clients come to us. They may have certain agendas with how they approach us, but to me, the key is the psychological safety they feel, allowing them to slowly peel back those layers and build trust. We have conversations where it’s not about the person with this title or the coach with my own titles, but rather a truly authentic conversation where nothing is planned or decided. That is why I consider myself a partner, trying to be the best tool for that person in whatever situation they are in. Hence, it’s a sacred rite because of that level of trust and privilege that allows me a glimpse into a deeper part of their soul. And hence the secret.
I mean, it’s not about fixing issues at a superficial level. We are trying to help the individual connect with their soul. Only when they connect with that space can they bring about larger changes. That’s the possibility of coaching as well. Sometimes, I have to admit that in some engagements, I feel that I may have just touched upon the surface because there is so much speed at which coaching happens these days. The pace of coaching has also increased. I’ve seen coaching sessions last from two hours to 45 minutes and even down to 30 minutes. The landscape is changing rapidly. It largely depends also on what the other person wants. Like you said, there are umpteen coaches available out there. So whatever fits and works for that particular person, if they want a quick fix, I’m sure there are coaches who are willing to do that. Not that there aren’t solutions, ideas, or significant takeaways from the way we coach, but at the same time, it’s about allowing it to happen in a very organic sense. So it’s not about checking off boxes and saying, ‘Well, okay, I nailed this one,’ because, you know, you’re walking away with XYZ.
How have you helped your coaches or leaders shine the torch on what truly matters? How do you drive outcomes with your coaches?
It goes back to the core of who they are. We have those initial conversations, maybe just one, where we try to reach that core. It depends on how receptive or open the other person is at that time. With some, we get there in that very first discussion; with others, it could take a couple of discussions before they even begin to understand the depth of focusing on something bigger than themselves. Not everyone knows what that is immediately, so it takes time. I emphasize the importance of being gentle with themselves on this journey. There are no quick fix answers. It’s taken countless failures and instances of picking ourselves up again before we even have an inkling of what ‘bigger than ourselves’ might mean at this phase in our lives. We’re talking about busy corporate leaders who have had little time to think about anything beyond their KPIs.
It’s a challenging question to ask someone what they care about that’s bigger than themselves. It involves helping them slowly and gradually figure out what that might be. For me, a lot of it is about deep conversations around core values, finding the profound in the everyday mundane—which we often miss because we are so caught up in the search for profundity that we don’t realize the answers lie in the mundane.
My approach is to help them first focus on the everyday mundane and then connect the dots to something bigger, like purpose or lofty goals. It’s also about sustainability. Often, people write great articles about ‘something bigger,’ and it’s fabulous for a year, but then interest wanes. If it resonates on a deeper level, it is more likely to be sustained. Another important indicator is the pain they are willing to endure to uphold this, to lend their voice to it. That shows me what they are truly authentic about.
It irks me when people claim, “I am an authentic person.” Of course, you are—we all are as authentic as we know how to be. But my bigger question is, what are you authentic about today? This prompts them to think more about what is valid for them today. And it’s not just about a means to an end, like seeking a bigger job or title, or becoming a thought leader. It must be genuinely bigger than oneself.
How do you help your leaders discover what has extinguished their “lamp”?
Many times, it’s not even about the entire light being lost; it’s probably just one theme that they’ve lost. But that affects a large part of who they are and how they see themselves in their environments. I work with many leaders who have lost their jobs, leaders who have primarily identified with their clout, their titles, or the brands they are part of. Suddenly, all of that is stripped away almost like a band-aid, with no time given to them to process. They are not financially insecure, as many of them are C-suite leaders, but what they face is a crisis of lost identity. It’s probably not right to say the entire light has been snuffed out of who they are, but to them, it feels exactly that way. They wonder, “Who am I without the title? Who am I without all of this?”
I always believe that if anything is happening, it is not happening to us but for us. If it is happening for us, that is the compassionate curiosity I want them to have for themselves first, to pick it up. Why is this happening for me? Is there something that I’m meant to do that is much greater than who I am as part of this title? Is the impact that I can amplify or expand way beyond this organization? And maybe it’s not something as lofty as all that. Is there time that has been created for me, maybe to foster care for myself, my health? I know of a few very senior leaders who have gone through great losses simply because they haven’t taken care of themselves.
The universe, to me, is the most intelligent being here, not the coach or the coachee. It’s always giving us those answers, always guiding us if only we are available and receptive to the service. So if this is happening for you, just be curious about what next and how next, and I am here holding space for you. Let’s go on that journey together.
Another very important metaphor that I keep reminding myself of is that I am on that rim of the dream bowl. I don’t want to ever be anywhere else on that bowl. Many times, especially as parents, we see ourselves slipping slowly towards the middle of that bowl, thinking that we are helping save the child. The more we get into the middle of the bowl, the less we’ll be able to hold space for the other person. As a coach, it is a very intentional reminder to keep myself on that rim, to ensure the person I’m coaching remains in the centre of that bowl.
By just letting them know that, either through words or otherwise, they slowly build rapport and trust, and that’s when those authentic conversations even have a chance of taking place. Sometimes, it’s just about having another person remind us of that, not just at a surface level of, “Oh, you’re good to go,” but from a deeper place of not just hearing from the other person but also it aligning with knowing it, then believing it, and then only they get through that difficult time of having one beam snuffed out.
So how do you personally help your leaders or coaches climb up their levels of awareness, if you’re using ladder as a metaphor?
It isn’t about the external milestones of progress that necessarily tell us that we are climbing the ladder, right? So maybe they will find a new role or that promotion, or whatever transition they are seeking career-wise. But if they can go to that deeper level of who they are, not just what they can do—they know what they can do. How well they can do it, to me, is that immediate next level of awareness, because many of them don’t know. And none of us, I mean, we don’t really sit and dwell on how well we do things, or what really enables us. We just go with the flow. And then, why did they do it? It is about unpeeling those layers, and then it’s also about, like I said, not just knowing, but validating. It is those validations and the tangible demonstrations that really tell them, “Okay, this is why I can.” For me, the big shift is from saying things as part of their self-promotional pitch that they’re used to, coming with so much preconceived conditioning just being in the corporate world for all these years. They know how to pitch, they know how to interview, they know how to brand themselves, but is that what they really are? Challenging that and asking them, if they don’t deliver something, they won’t do it. Taking them on that journey from knowing to owning is how I enjoy that process of climbing that ladder. And also, it is about that self-promotion, too. “Oh, my God, if I don’t say these things about me, then it’s almost like I’m not defining or sharing enough about me in an authentic sense.” So yeah, those are the different milestones.
How do you help people resolve this particular fear of heights?
I think fear is quite natural for everyone, and it can kick in at any point in time. For example, someone may be very convinced of their values and know their non-negotiables, yet they may doubt whether this would be acceptable in an interview. My question to them is, what if you took a role that looked perfect on paper without this consideration? You might find yourself having to leave that situation because your authentic self will never accept any kind of risk where there is misalignment. This is often why we see redundancies, relocations to another geography, or people leaving our environment—because something is not aligned. So, what’s really at stake? Are you willing to compromise your standards?
They often forget to see how they have defined what heights they wish to scale. Maybe we’re not yet prepared for it. I think we put too much emphasis on certain things and believe that by working around them, everything will be fine. What is considered work-life balance for me might be very different for you. It’s about finding what works for each individual. This opens up the possibility of defining and then owning that definition. We all know work-life balance is necessary, right? A person might believe they have or lack it based on what they hear from others, the work they do, or by comparing themselves to others. Ownership occurs when you are doing something that is absolutely right for you, regardless of anyone else’s opinion. Once you have that ownership, it is absolutely liberating.
How do you help mid-level leaders overcome their fears when they consider fully embracing and expressing their values at work?
It’s also about doing the right thing in the right ways in your career. And for me, it’s about career happiness, which is the end goal, right? We talk about progress, moving on in our careers, and growing, but if it doesn’t include career happiness, then it’s not really worth it, right? This takes me back to core values. Sometimes, my clients have to take on the next role, even if it is not aligned with their values, simply because of the paycheck at the end of the month. Sometimes it’s as simple as that. And this means that one of the core values is family. They need that paycheck for their family, right? So, it’s also about inviting them and letting them know that these values will fluctuate. It doesn’t always have to be in perfect balance. And allow for it to change; it doesn’t mean it isn’t a core value. It just means that another core value of yours is taking precedence and allow for it because that is the most important thing. So, to your question, if it means that the precaution is going to get them a higher paycheck, or if it means staying back and working late hours for a particular project so that they can move forward—which again, goes back to serving family as a core value—by all means, at that point, don’t sit and compare, “Oh, I’m not having work-life balance, and someone else has a better life than me.” You are serving a core value of yours. Absolutely enjoy it.
How do you provide this container of safety for them?
I think it stems from a genuine interest in people. It’s about that core simplicity, not merely curiosity, but a true interest and the privilege of glimpsing into their lives. This reminds me of the privilege it is to be let in. I’m not here to push progress or dictate direction. It’s a privilege that someone is willing to open up, and my role is to provide a safe container for that.
I never know what a coachee is bringing into the session or what they aim to tackle. All I can offer is safety. Being intentional about this and reading the room are crucial. If there were a formula for building trust, we would all follow it identically. But much of this comes down to sensibility and the ability to pause. Without pausing, what can truly be observed and understood?
Pivoting is also essential. Some clients may be in a rush to move to the next job, wanting immediate answers, while others might wish to delve deeper without knowing how. Then there are those dealing with anxiety or stress, where addressing these feelings becomes a priority before tackling larger questions. Thus, careful pivoting and the ability to adapt are key, alongside the crucial pauses that allow for effective coaching.
What are some practices that helps you to nurture the pause?
I rarely discuss this because it involves personal routines, which deeply influence both my personal life and my work. Whether I’m facilitating a workshop or coaching, my goal is to maintain the right “vibrating level.”
How do I achieve this? I’m not entirely sure what’s “right” or “wrong,” but my routines—spiritual, physical, or emotional—are integral. I practice them regularly before entering the workplace, ensuring I’m aligned and ready.
For instance, even if there’s a workshop, I can’t just show up; extensive preparation is essential. My focus isn’t on impressing others but on authentically expressing the necessary backend work I’ve done. This means removing any urge to impress and instead filling my toolkit with the necessary research and preparation for effective delivery.
In coaching, removing the “I” is crucial. When you’re truly in the zone, distinctions between coach and coachee disappear, and it’s just about the coaching. Recognizing when “I” interferes allows me to adjust and keep the ego out, enabling the rest of the magic to unfold naturally. The primary practice? Ensuring that the “I” stays out.
How do you really motivate the coachees to take risks?
When it comes to risk-taking, it often parallels the decision to take exams. If someone’s aim is a promotion or a speaking opportunity, for example, apprehensions naturally arise. Many of my coachees experience what can be described as imposter syndrome. They are aware of their goals and what is necessary to achieve them, but are often overwhelmed by fear. The strategy I employ involves breaking the process down into manageable segments. I encourage them to start with small, new activities, such as taking a solitary walk, to initiate self-discovery.
We frequently discuss the importance of rapport, which is usually thought of in terms of relating to others. However, I emphasize establishing a rapport with oneself first. This internal rapport provides insights into one’s readiness to embrace risks.
As a coach, my role is to suggest tools and strategies to bolster their confidence and competence, though this does not guarantee success. True success occurs when an individual internalizes these strategies and genuinely decides to try them—not because they are being directed to, but because they choose to. It’s about supporting them gently and, at times, candidly addressing their hesitations, which is often appreciated as a direct confrontation of their self-deceptions. This approach allows them to confront and manage their issues when they’re ready. And it doesn’t even have to mean progress in a very typical way. It is how they’re seeing it for themselves.
How to help your coachees navigate the sea of grey as a ‘lifeboat’?
I’ve never really seen myself fitting that conventional analogy. There are always uncertainties involved. When I start feeling certain about something, that’s when my assertiveness and desire to control come into play. My role involves helping others get comfortable with discomfort, without shielding them from it. I encourage them to experience their feelings fully, whether it’s anger one day or profound sadness the next. It’s not about urging them to simply move on. Instead, I let them express their emotions in their own way, supporting them throughout the process.
My approach isn’t about rescuing them like a lifeboat would; rather, it’s more akin to helping them paddle while they cling to the boat, with me on one side and the coachee on the other. The coaching conversation serves as the life rope, and together, we hold on to it, navigating through the challenges.
It’s a misconception that as a coach, I’m not in the gray area alongside the coachee. It’s not as if they are in a fog and I’m pulling them into the light. I’m just as much in the fog as they are, as everyone has their own challenges and uncertainties. The key is to become comfortable with that uncertainty. Sometimes, coachees arrive expecting to be rescued or given all the answers. At such times, it’s important to pause and clarify that our role isn’t to save them or provide direct answers. Instead, we work together to discover what’s right for them.
Key Learnings:
- My approach is to help them first focus on the everyday mundane and then connect the dots to something bigger, like purpose or lofty goals.
- I always believe that if anything is happening, it is not happening to us but for us. If it is happening for us, that is the compassionate curiosity I want them to have for themselves first, to pick it up. Why is this happening for me? Is there something that I’m meant to do that is much greater than who I am as part of this title?
- As a coach, my role is to suggest tools and strategies to bolster their confidence and competence, though this does not guarantee success. True success occurs when an individual internalizes these strategies and genuinely decides to try them—not because they are being directed to, but because they choose to.
Harini Chari
Leadership Brand Coach & Executive Trainer, Lee Hecht Harrison
Harini Chari is a seasoned leadership brand strategist and career coach with over 20 years of experience. Educated in brand strategy, she specializes in empowering leaders across the impact and corporate sectors to be visible and influential. Harini’s diverse global background includes professional stints in Finland, Singapore, India, the US, and the Philippines, equipping her with the unique ability to adapt and remain relevant across different markets.
Her expertise lies in blending deep personal insights from her varied experiences with her passion for brand storytelling to help individuals achieve sustained career happiness. Harini thrives on helping professionals and leaders bring their whole selves to work, leveraging their unique perspectives to create authentic experiences both online and offline.
